Firstly I have to apologize for my absence. Some pretty heavy things have been going on and as you all know I like to be transparent on here and thought it would be best to step away from the key board until everything settled down and I could write with an untainted view on the world. I have just gotten back from 2.5 glorious weeks in LA/Vegas and Mexico with my best girlfriends in the world. I feel so blessed that we had the time to go before life/weddings/babies take over.
Now speaking of babies, the wedding is around the corner and talk of babies is on the horizon. I have to say I still feel 16, like it will be a real shock for everyone if I get preggers. Almost like "oh no what will I tell my parents" kind of thing. Then I realise I am 28 and it's a normal age to be doing this (have babies). It's extremely surreal to think that I would be a mum. My mum had me at 32 and before that was told she was infertile and it would never happen for her. So when it did. I became the "miracle baby" she would tell me how much she wanted a baby. How lucky she was.. But I haven't felt that yearning yet... When does that start?
I always thought I would follow her footsteps subconsciously and be a 32 yr old mum a single mum that struggled. Now my foundations are being tested. I will be married (my mum and dad were together for 18 years but never married) I will be comfortable and stable with a husband I love. Something I always craved but never thought would happen for me. Another huge part is the fact that I would have my career where I wanted it. Somewhere In between Sonia Kruger (tv) and Mia freedman (writing/conquering the world). Well this too didn't go to plan. I only changed career last year and only started blogging this year. I'm not exactly sure where I thought I would be before getting up the duff.. But certainly more established than I am now.
So now when I am told my biological clock is ticking (I know right) and my career isn't where I planned..what does one do?
I have to say I am Slowly feeling maternal.. SLOWLY! I also have a fear that our baby may love Benj more than me.. Mila our dog does (I am the disciplinarian and he is the fun guy) so what if the baby isn't interested in mum. What if I fail? All these crazy thoughts drowning me.
On top of that I can't stand screaming kids at restaurants/shops/ my friends houses. How will I do this myself? I was a nanny for 2 years and it is no joke. Poo and wee and snacks and the park.. I'm too selfish to give up my peace and serenity.
I guess I always forget the biggest part.. I'm going to be in love with this baby. It will be made up of the two coolest people I know. That is pretty spesh.
Anyway no rush for me (try telling that to Benj) Have to be svelte for that wedding dress. I guess we can give it a whirl and see how we do..
Isn't that what everyone does? Shit themselves and learn as they go?